GIRL, UNPLUGGED

YA Novel Chapter 17 | 12 Minute Read

This is Chapter 17 of a YA novel. To see where the story began, check out the GIRL, UNPLUGGED table of contents post, or head to the GIRL, UNPLUGGED section of the Story Hoarder Substack page to see all the chapters.

This chapter is an 12 minute read.

image created by Nicole Rivera using CanvaPro

CHAPTER 17: Decision Time

Written in Natalie’s Notebook 

Later (sun is still up) 10/6

I just came back from the bathroom and there, where the shadows are sharp, it is easy to see how much they have moved.  I never thought too much about the question “What time is it?” The answer was never far from me — my phone screen, the computer, the cable box. I wonder if the clocks in our classrooms still work, or my dad’s watch. Here I am forced to contemplate the actual passage of time. It’s no longer just a change of numbers on a screen, now I am reminded that we are moving. That everything is changing 

all 

of 

the 

time. 

Sitting here now, after seeing how far the sun has moved while we’ve been doing nothing but wait I can’t help but think — 

What are we waiting for? 

Time waits for no one.

Oh boy… I’m pretty sure that’s something my mother told me. 

“I knew it.” I didn’t notice Russ arrive since his shadow had been swallowed by the dim all around me. When I looked up I realized I was sitting in what might have been the last remnants of light in the room. “The notebook was a good idea?” he asked, taking a seat next to me.

“Yes,” I said. “I’ve been meaning to thank you.” I remembered the keychain and started feeling around on the floor to find where I put it. I just wanted to give it to him and be done with it. The more I sat with Russ and talked with him, the more my feelings started running to the surface. “I got you something, too.”

“Me?” Russ said. “Natalie Turner got something for Russ Sandberg?”

Ahh! Why is he saying our names together like that? I couldn’t find the keychain. My heart was beating so hard. Why was I freaking out about not finding this thing? I could go right back to the gift shop and grab another one — I had already become a criminal over this stupidity once! I stood up. “Where is it?” I hissed.

Russ, still sitting, grabbed my forearm. He was so damn tall he could reach me easily. “Don’t worry about it. It’s the thought that counts, right? And now I know you thought about me.”

Oh my God! It was turning into too much. Now he knows I was thinking about him! That is a problem! What happens if Rainbow finds out I was thinking about him?

My mental rant, transformed into an audible one that I was incapable of stopping. “It’s not that. It’s just that I wanted to thank you. For the notebook. Because, you know, that was a really big deal, and I am insanely grateful to you for it. I was sort of losing it, and writing helps me. It’s what I do, you know, so I was looking at Murph’s stuff —“

“Oh,” Russ said. “Yeah. I get it.”

“What?” I didn’t understand what he got. Because it didn’t sound like he understood that he saved me in my moment of need. It sounded like the opposite of that. Like I said something wrong. Again. Ahh! “No. Listen. I was looking for something to write with, but then I didn’t have to because you brought me this notebook.”

“Yeah so I guess it was good that you didn’t have to mess with Murph’s stuff and all that. For when you see him again… I’m happy I could help, you know. I should —“ He was starting to get up. “Ow! What the—” Russ grabbed something off the floor and handed it to me. “Is this what you were looking for?”

I grabbed the museum keychain. It was a tiny metallic replica of the bones we were currently beneath and a hatching egg at its feet. I couldn’t read what it said, but I’m sure it had something to do with one of the museum’s mottos about studying life from birth to death and beyond. I only kind of looked at it when I grabbed it. “Yeah,” I said. “It’s stupid, I know. I didn’t know what you would like, but I wanted to thank you. And then I thought about how you drive Rog home all the time, so the keychain, and —“

He grabbed it back. “And the egg!” He laughed. “It’s like our dragon egg!”

I hadn’t thought of that. 

I also didn’t know we were calling it “our” dragon egg.

I blushed. Thank God it was too dark for him to notice. 

“This is awesome!” he said. “I’m putting this on my keys right now!” He dug into his pocket, pulled out his keychain and sat back down to fiddle with it. “You can sit now,” he said.

Could I?

I looked down at him and could not ignore all the familiar feelings welling up in me. I was crushing — hard — on this guy and I had no idea how Rainbow really felt about him. I felt like sitting down would be a really bad idea. 

“But where’s everyone else?” I asked. “Maybe we should —“

“There you are!” Rainbow’s voice echoed from across the room. “Stella wants to give everyone the gift shop tour!”

“I guess I should check it out!” Russ said, bouncing to his feet. Rainbow led the way.

It was hard to ignore how fast Russ moved once Rainbow showed up.

I took my time getting all my and Murph’s stuff together.

“Nat, can we sit a minute?” Brenda asked, walking into the room.  She looked defeated. “How late do you think it is?”  

“Well, we’re kind of losing the light,” I said, pointing to the skylight above. “So that can’t be good.”

“When do you think we’ll be leaving?” She sat down next to me putting her legs out in front of her making a triangle with the floor and leaning her head on her knees.

“What’s the word with the downstairs group?” I asked. “I kind of left before anything was decided.”

Brenda laughed. “Don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything. Nothing was decided. When Rainbow left it kind of shook everyone up. Or maybe that wasn’t Rainbow. Maybe it was Rose.” She shook her head. “Whatever. It’s just that you left after that, then Stella, and then Russ. Everyone else just went back to eating. Quietly.” 

“Yeah. Russ was just with me.” Then I remembered I was talking to Murph’s cousin. “I mean, he’s with Rainbow now, but I saw him. He was probably looking for her.”

Brenda turned her head toward me, still leaning on her knees. “I don’t know. I thought he left.”

“What do you mean?” I asked more excitedly than I intended. “Did he say he was leaving?”

Brenda sat up. “Whoa. No. He didn’t say anything, but neither did you, or Stella, or that fucking idiot cousin of mine! It’s obviously not safe to assume anything, is it?”

“Oh Brenda…”

“Did he say something to you, Nat?” Brenda asked in a whisper. “I know we’re the same age and stuff, but I always think of Matty as my little cousin, you know?”

I put everything on the ground next to me and reached over to hug her. Here I was asking about another boy when Brenda saw me as her only link to the family she loved. I was so mad at Murph that I never even thought twice about how I should be worried about him. Here was Brenda, quietly carrying this worry saying nothing to anyone. I thought about how I would feel if Rog suddenly disappeared without saying anything to me after spending the day with some girl — I’d be on that little girl like white on rice! I’d have her in some sort of inquisition. I know Brenda and Murph didn’t have exactly the same relationship as Rog and I, but — man — I had to respect her composure now that I realized her worry. “Brenda, I’m so sorry. He didn’t say anything to me. You could’ve asked me right away.”

“I can’t decide if I’m worried or mad, you know?”

“I get it,” I said. “But, Brenda, can I be honest with you?”

“You’re mad,” Brenda said. “I get it. You guys didn’t even get the chance to know each other well. It’s kind of like the idiot decided to stand you up in the middle of a first date.” She rolled her eyes and laughed one of those “I can’t believe this guy” laughs. “Please know that I can’t wait to rip him a new one over that stupid move. I don’t care what his stupid ass excuse is — leaving you like that was disrespectful, our mamas will be flamin’ mad when they find out.” Brenda’s face was getting flushed. I worried she was about to cry. 

“It’s okay…” I was trying to save her from her emotions, but, when I said it out loud I realized it was true. It was okay.

“No. It’s not okay,” Brenda put a hand on mine in a move that did feel more mature than I would be capable of. I could understand viewing her as an older cousin. “You’re okay. I get that. But that doesn’t make it okay.”

“Okay,” I said, which made us both laugh.

“So, listen, Nat,” Brenda pulled her legs into a cross-legged position and turned to face me. “Can I do you a favor by you doing me a favor?”

And two points to Brenda for the weirdest question ever. “Wha-at?” I asked, completely befuddled.  

“I want to help you, but I want you to know that the thing I’m offering is really for me too.”

“Uh… alright?”

“Can I have Murph’s bag?” Brenda looked straight in my eyes like she was asking for the most important thing in the world. It was an easy yes for me, but the way she asked it made me sit with that decision more deeply. What did it mean, really, to say yes? Was it just lightening my load, and adding a burden to Brenda, or was it more? What would everyone else think when they saw Brenda with Murph’s bag? What would they think when they saw me without it?

I couldn’t answer any of the questions my mind pummeled me with, which left me speechless. I nodded to Brenda and slid the bag over to her. She nodded and slid her arm under the strap. “Thanks, Nat,” she said.

Brenda only sat for a minute more before we decided to get Stella, Rainbow, and Russ in an effort to get everyone back together to make a real decision. But Russ was gone and the girls were headed back down to the cafeteria.

“He left,” Rainbow said with a shrug. 

I couldn’t stop my eyes from widening. “He left?” I felt sick. “Alone?” Why would he go out there? Why would he go without us? Whatever happened to us sticking together?

Stella laughed. “Not the museum, silly, he left the shop.” 

“He said he wanted to clear his head or something,” Rainbow said.

“He’s probably taking a cigarette break,” Stella added, which was a valid point. “But it should not be overlooked that he felt the need to leave the moment he realized you hadn’t followed along.”

“Oh.” My eyes darted toward Brenda. What would she think? “Um. I guess I’ll try to find Russ?” I said unable to avoid the sense that I was asking permission.

“We could go all together,” Brenda offered, hiking the strap of Murph’s bag up higher on her shoulder. She was looking for that groove where it fit and sat comfortably. I think Murph had carved a groove out on his shoulder because I could never find a good spot that didn’t require shifting every couple of seconds.  

“This would be faster, though,” I said, and I wondered why it felt so important to do this on my own. 

“Would it?” Rainbow asked, and I realized she probably wanted to find him herself and I was acting really suspicious. 

Brenda shrugged. The bag flowed with her, not moving. That groove must be genetic or something. “If you’re okay with it, I’m okay with it.” 

“Yeah. Whatever,” Stella said, eyeing Rainbow.

“Okay… meet back in the cafeteria?” I asked turning for the door not waiting to hear Rainbow’s response. 

Brenda had started browsing the shop. “Yeah, I think so. No one else down there seemed ready to make a move.”

I walked toward the stairwell, with its view of the emergency exit at the back of the museum and I wondered if Russ would have snuck out that way. He couldn’t have gone out the front entrance without me noticing, so that had to be it. 

Unless…

I remembered how Russ was upstairs all by himself earlier and wondered if he went back. I dug into my backpack and cracked  one of the glow sticks. I knew the path was only going to get darker as I went on.

On the top floor, Astronomy Alley was just as dark as it had been when I was there before, but this time, lighting my way with the green haze of the glow stick, it seemed as though the areas beyond the glow’s reach were even darker than what I remembered. I could smell the windex that must have been used to clean all of the screens that should have been lighting my way. I could see Dr. Davies’ office at the end of the hallway long before I reached it. The door was ajar revealing a streak of what little light was left from the waning sunlight.

When I pushed the door open I saw that it was much brighter than what I had expected. There was an entire wall of  windows and, unlike the dark blue and black hallway and exhibits I had just passed, the walls were painted white and the floor was covered in a light gray tile. There were two computer desks at opposite ends of the room and, in the middle of the room, a large table with loads of paper strewn across the top. Hovering over the papers, with his back to me, was Russ. 

“A little light reading before we head out of here?” I asked.

Russ flinched before turning around when he heard my voice. “Oh hey Natalie,” he said. “I had been looking at this stuff before. I was using it to calm down or something, but it was really interesting. I thought I’d just try to clear my head again before we go back out there.” He pointed toward the window and I couldn’t decide whether or not I wanted to see what was going on down there. 

“We were just going back downstairs to see what was going on with everyone,” I said, suddenly feeling stupid that I took it upon myself to come find Russ.

“We?” he asked, looking over my shoulder.

“Well… yeah… me and the girls. Brenda said no one’s making a decision. She came to talk to me about Murph, you know?” I don’t know why I said that. I could see Russ’s expression change, and I felt like an idiot. Why did I come to find Russ by myself? I started rambling then. “I was just — I mean, I just, you know, I thought someone should come get you too.” I grabbed both straps of my backpack and stared at the floor.  “But listen, you don’t have to — if you don’t feel like it — you don’t have to come down, of course. I mean, I wasn’t there — so I don’t even know if everyone is still in the cafeteria, but I—”

“Nat?” Russ said with a smile, saving me from my rambling. “Thanks. I’ll come down in a couple of minutes.”

“Okay, sure,” I said. I lingered in the doorway for a minute, wishing there was some way I could shake the quiet sadness that hung over Russ. He was so happy when I gave him that silly keychain, I wished I could bring him back to that moment. But then Rainbow came, and then Brenda. Brenda helped me more than I realized, handing her Murph’s bag lifted an enormous weight off of my shoulders, both literally and emotionally. I wish there was something I could do for Russ to do the same, but I guess that was Rainbow’s job.

I heard the debate before I was even present for it. Voices carried through the dark stairwell as if the secret to sound travel was wrapped up in how much light stood in its way. 

“I don’t think it is safe out there,” Brenda said.

“And how sure are you that it’s safe in here?” Stella asked.

“I know my home is safe,” Rainbow said. “ I just want to go home.”

“It’s getting dark pretty quick,” Terrell said. “I’m not sure we want to be out when the sun goes down.”

“I’m not afraid of sundown,” Dustin said.

“Neither am I,” Terrell said. “Not normally, but sundown without any normal street lights? If we can’t make it home before then, I think staying might be safer than going.”

“At this rate I don’t think we’re making it,” Daria said. 

“Not with me,” Rose said as I finally made it into the cafeteria. She looked paler than before, and tired. In fact, looking around the room, I can’t say that anyone looked good. I had never seen any of my classmates in these states — tired, sick, rundown, disheveled. There wasn’t one person in that room that couldn’t benefit from some rest, me included. The question I was asking myself was whether or not I was willing to put off that need for just a couple more hours so that I could have that rest at home.

It was Russ who delivered the last convincing argument. 

Well, it was Russ and the gunshots. 

The thing is, we heard the gunshots, we just didn’t know we did until Russ came downstairs. The whole time we had been in the museum there had been small reminders of life outside, not much, but little things — some horns beeping, shouts, dogs barking — but nothing big enough to draw our attention away from our inside world. New York City, whether you are in Manhattan or Staten Island, is not a quiet place, there is always a hum. So when we heard a barrage of muffled crackles and pops there was nothing alarming in it. Nothing.

I thought it was firecrackers — a typical diversion in the streets for those brave enough to be civilly disobedient. It was one of those laws everyone broke at some point — even my dad bought us a pack of fireworks for one fourth of July. Rog and I were the king and queen of the neighborhood that summer. So that background noise was filed in my brain as some local family simply trying to bring a little excitement on what had to be an incredibly boring day for anyone who was already in their home and just waiting for the world to crank back into normalcy.

Then Russ came running into the cafeteria looking even more upset than when I left him. “They’re shooting!” He pointed out the window to the park view where there was grass, trees and a setting sun. But Russ’s view from Dr. Davies’s office was of the opposite side of the building. He had a view of the street. “It was like a gang or something. They were breaking into all of the cars,” Russ said. Then looking around to each of us, with panic in his eyes, he continued, “No. I mean it. Every single car on the street, one by one, they’d smash, rob and move on. When they reached some cops up near us guns were drawn on both sides.” Russ shook his head. “It was fucking horrible. I don’t know why I watched the whole thing. It could have been some Tarantino movie for all the violence out there, but it wasn’t guys. That’s no movie. That’s our reality!” He finished shouting, now pointing out in the direction of the street, even though it wasn’t visible at all from where we were. As he did so, more gunshots could be heard. We all jumped.

“I think it’s time we make sure all the doors are locked,” Stella said. No one else said a thing.

Written in Natalie’s Notebook 

Sun is touching the trees 10/6

I am safe right now. Maybe if I knew, for certain, that my family was too, that could be enough. What if I could talk to them right now? What if mom could tell me, “We’re fine, don’t worry about us. We’ll see you tomorrow!” Would that be enough for me to feel comfortable staying here? Stella’s ready to go — I mean everyone is — even after everything we’ve been through tells us that leaving is dangerous. What drives us? Family, familiarity, community? I’ll say this — I am so happy that I am here with the rest of my class. I think I would be terrified if I had to make these decisions on my own. I don’t know if leaving is the right thing, but I will choose this group over the certain safety of this building if it means being all alone. 

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