Third Time's A Charm

Short Story | 7 minute read

This is the first story I wrote this year. It was for the NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge in January,. I received the genre of scifi, the subject of “test-market” and the story had to include “a devotee.” You will notice that, for this story, I slipped into one of my comfort zones: epistolary writing. I hope you enjoy the read.

This is a 7 minute read.

image created by Nicole Rivera using CanvaPro

Marketing Report Unity Under Common Evil Phase One Earth

Submitted by Derek Rico, Elite Onlooker Junior Division

Submitted to Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

Dear Sir, 

It has become clear that humanity has a flaw. While created as social beings, the discontent among the masses continues. Unity Projects is the Universe’s answer to discontent. After 3.2 million years of successful unification and harmony in the Haumea District and Langsing’s Rings, we brought our products to the most complex intelligence of our realm, Earth’s humanity. 

Let it be noted that I still believe humans to be our greatest hope of all of this Universe’s offerings for species upgrade to Elite Onlookers, even though this first test-market did not yield the results I had hoped.In phase one of the roll out I selected the advent of the 20th century of Earth to test-market “Unity Under Common Evil.” 

The humans of Earth had advanced technologically and were turning those advancements toward weaponry.  As a result the EO’s “Unity Under Common Evil” began with the idea of installing a singular enemy for the humans to rally against. This was Earth’s first test-marketed product. The product I inserted into their timeline was a disease. The humans called it “the Spanish flu.” 

Sir, it was a disaster. 

You will recall my assertion in previous documentation, “Disease is the enemy of all. I believe, when forced to face this threat, the humans will lay down their arms, end the world war, and unify at last for the survival of their species.”

You and the entire EO council approved the test-market. I set it down and left the premises immediately to take stock of the results. 

Sir, the war waged on and spread the disease. Some humans found their path to peace, but the global institutions continued to rage through the war until nothing more than exhaustion was left. 

I truly believed that a faceless, nameless disease running amok through humanity would be the scenario that would bring humans back to a unified front. I believed the fear of death, with no human to blame, could bring the species together.  I did not account for the lack of cleanliness or understanding of the motility of disease in most of the human world at this time. While the technology had advanced in arenas for humans to seek easier destruction, it lacked in medicine and hygiene. 

If you will, I have looked further ahead in the timeline and think I may have a second test-market proposal for the humans.

Approval

Unity Under Common Evil Phase Two Earth

To: Derek Rico, Junior Elite Onlooker

From: Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

Derek,

Your devotion to this species is to be commended. While I agree they have the capacity to upgrade, the results thus far have been disconcerting. Regardless, with Jameson’s Haumea project still in bacterial development and McCutty still on a quest for any life forms to test-market, you and your humans still remain our greatest hope.

Phase Two of Common Evil has been approved. 

Marketing Report Unity Under Common Evil Phase Two Earth

Submitted by Derek Rico, Elite Onlooker Junior Division

Submitted to Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

Dear Sir,

As you’ll remember after the first World War of Earth, I saw that the humans needed a singular force to make their enemy and learned that they were not advanced enough to battle nature. I proposed – and received universal approval for – an EO imposter project. A still to remain unnamed Elite Onlooker that has transformational abilities took on human shape to be implanted as our phase two product for test-market. His human persona was named Adolf Hilter. Sir, he was a villainous beast of a man who we were certain would bring humanity together for the sake of their entire species. 

I was absolutely mortified to find humans rally to the man’s cause, follow his orders and spread his hate through their masses. While there were some signs of unification with alliances being created in multitudes to ultimately end what the humans called the “Second World War,” I fear it came epically short of the type of global unification we are seeking for success.

Sir, I am a bit shaken by the results of this current test-market. I would like to submit an application for my vacation time slabs to regroup. I know this may put a damper on the company timeline, but I think with fresh, rested eyes I will be able to crack this puzzle upon my return.

ApprovalVacation Time

To: Derek Rico, Junior Elite Onlooker

From: Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

Derek,

Take your two slabs. We won’t let the timeline waiver in your absence. We will take care of your precious humans.

Division Shift: Earth

To: Marco Jameson, Junior Elite Onlooker

From: Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

Marco, 

Derek is on vacation for the next two time slabs. I want you to take that time to look at his Earth project and see if you can apply any of your bacterial communications knowledge to the humanity problem. Submit a proposal by morning, it will be your market for the next two slabs. In fact, get McCutty’s eyes on this too. If he has a proposal, he’s in as well. Derek may be overly enamored with humanity as a whole, but he isn’t wrong about them being our closest option for upgrade.

Marketing Report Communication for Community Phase One/FINAL Earth

Submitted by Marco Jameson, Elite Onlooker Junior Division

Submitted to Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

Dear Mr. Grisby,

I gave the humans a communications overhaul they came to call “the Internet.” You were right to note that the lack of communication was the real problem for the species. However, I fear humanity may be a lost cause after all. 

The initial results were promising, Communication began to unify humans from such diverse settings, cultures, and backgrounds that shifts toward unity began to present themselves, I am nearly sure of it. However, they devolved into pastimes like cyberbullying, trolling and even developed a “cancel culture” literally trying to take fellow humans out of the conversations based on any number of miscommunications, misunderstandings, or ignorances that could have been dealt with with edification.

Grisby, I know it is a long haul, but the bacteria on Haumea look to be a better bastion of hope than this species. It is my opinion that there is no product we can offer to get the humans to unify. 

I will let McCutty’s report speak to its own failings of a riff on Derek’s work.
In the end, I am very happy to be done with my Earth assignment and fail to see what Derek does in these creatures.

Marketing Report Unity Under Common Evil Phase Two B Earth

Submitted by Vernon McCutty, Elite Onlooker Minor Division

Submitted to Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

To Whom It May Concern,

I am submitting my first Marketing Report for the Earth Project as assigned to me by Junior Division Onlooker Marco Jameson. Using the work of Derek Rico “Unity Under Common Evil” I inserted an evil the species known as “Earthling-humans” could unify around. As Phase Two failed with an unintentionally charismatic, though inarguably evil, imposter, I created an evil force with a nebulous identity. In a series of attacks on a seemingly beloved land of their planet, I created a terror network that I believed the Earthlings-humans would rally against in unity. Fear is often a motivating factor for many species to level up. 

The results were not what I expected. 

At first, when the Earthlings-humans from around the planet joined in universal mourning and memorial of the date on which I set the attacks (they called it “Nine-eleven”), I was certain my project was a success, but in conjunction with Onlooker Jameson’s communication project, the conversations around the motives, results, and culprits in the attacks over the years that followed created division far deeper than those present before my test-market. 

I fear I have tainted the species of the Earthlings humans. In many places the terror inspired more attacks not set into motion by this office.

I know I am only a Minor Onlooker, but I submit this failing in conjunction with my resignation. You may consider this my two time slab’s notice.

Final Project ProposalUnity Under Common Evil Phase Three Earth

Submitted by Derek Rico, Elite Onlooker Junior Division

Submitted to Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

Sir, 

Many of my humans have a phrase that I have adopted into my own vernacular and wish to apply to this proposal: “Third time’s a charm.”

In all honesty, I was disconcerted by the interventions made on my planet in my absence, but with clarity of mind and a look at the intervening results of both Jameson’s and McCutty’s failed test-marketed products, I believe I have finally found our answer to the humanity flaw.

I have looked back at the Earthling timeline. An American election is coming up – that tends to be a tricky time for unity in that particular country which I believe may still be a major player for global influence. If I let that settle in before releasing this one last shot for global unification, I think the humans will be primed for success. I have returned to the basics: the one great evil that the humans can easily conquer, the one that will force them to surmount perceived divisions between them. It is a simple disease to crack. It will be 100 Earth years after the first test marketed disease.

Humanity’s medicine, their hygiene, their understanding of the human body has all developed far beyond their needs to conquer this little bug. It may tap into the fear McCutty suggested, and they will surely employ the communications network Jameson installed, but it will be this faceless, blameless evil that they can all hate while saving each other. Sir, all I have to do is simply accelerate a form of the coronavirus diseases they have already been tackling. 

This is the solution I have been seeking this entire quarter. The timing is finally right. The species is primed. Success is imminent. 

Looking at their timeline now, Earth year 2018 or 2019 makes the best sense for this final test market. That will be the end of the current time slab for us. If we can get them to unify before the next American election maybe they won’t even need their politics anymore. I am certain they will level up.

Approval

Unity Under Common Evil Phase Three

To: Derek Rico, Junior Elite Onlooker

From: Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

Derek,

Your optimism is an inspiration to us all. Your humans deflated both Jameson and McCutty with one test-market each. Best of luck with your “coronavirus.” I look forward to welcoming humans into the fold by the end of this slab.

Division Shift Request: Anywhere but here

Submitted by Derek Rico, Elite Onlooker Junior Division

Submitted to Jack Grisby, Elite Onlooker Supreme

Sir,

In lieu of a final marketing report detailing the complete and utter “shitshow” that humanity currently is (their definition of this slang term is “a situation or event marked by chaos or controversy”), I am submitting a division shift request. Sir, I beg you, anywhere but here. The humans have broken my spirit.

Leave a Comment and Don’t Hoard this Story!

First, thank you for reading my story. What a wonderful feeling knowing you’ve seen this little bit of me! Second, it’s important that you know comments and story conversation are always welcome. Whether you want to discuss how this story made you feel, what thought(s) it inspired, or if you have constructive criticism, I am here for it all. Let’s talk story!

If this is your first time here…

Don’t forget to subscribe so you get all of my story hoard delievered right to your inbox every time a new piece is releasaed!